The Chrysler Sebring Blows. Or, How I Killed God’s Creatures and Broke The Law

Took a trip to New England this weekend and the car rental du jour was a Chrysler Sebring.  Now the Sebring is Chrysler’s entry-level car, as well for that matter their middle-line car.  This goes to the reason why Chrysler has not put out a good car since, oh 1992, and the last decent car the company as a whole put out was what the Intrepid?  Lee Iacocca in his most insane days did better, and now, The General and Chrysler are getting down and dirty because Cerbeus is offering a heap of money for GMAC.  So GM gets cash, gets to give the coup de grace on Chrysler, and loses their last valuable asset, their 50% share of GMAC.  Oh, and Ford wants to sell their share of Mazda?  Why?  Are you afraid you might accidentally create a car that is cool and practical?  Ford can do both, just not at the same time unlike Mazda.  Anyway, I digress back to the car review.

So, the Sebring.  It used to be a decent coupe convertible back in the day when the line-up was the Cirrus/Concorde/300M.  With the Sebring in there as some flash.  Now however, the Cirrus is gone (which is probably good) and we have the four-door Sebring to welcome us into the Chrysler family.  So, lets start out with looks.

It’s a 10 footer.  Doesn’t look bad from a far, until you walk up to it and see that the hood is blatantly playing off the Crossfire, which Mercedes ripped from Chrysler when it kicked the company to the curb.  The styling is trying too hard to look like a Crossfire/S-Class hybrid in the front.  It’s like when your Dad decides to go a few days without shaving because he thinks it makes him look “rugged” or “hip” when it really makes him look like a “hobo.”  Then you get inside and it’s all hard plastic.  Which is common in Detroit these days, it doesn’t matter what you buy.  Seating position is comfortable and I did have good visibility (thank God “Cab Forwarding” with it’s endless A-pillar blind spots is gone).  My measure of ergonomics is whether I can be driving down the highway at 70 mph and change the radio to a different station without being dangerous….didn’t happen.  While switching away from Jason Mraz’s Lovebug somewhere near the Connecticut/Rhode Island border, I end the life of a raccoon.  Immediately after I hear a scraping noise and I figure I’m dragging a raccoon, so I pull over.  Nope, just the bumper splash guard came loose.  It was easily fixed by bending it back into place and I continue my beautiful drive through New England.  Power was ok, although you really had to give it the beans to overtake anyone, and it’s New England so it was flat.  Handling was horrific, which was evident by the next time later that evening (while also listening to Jason Mraz’s Lovebug, I didn’t bother changing the channel) I see a raccoon and literally jerked the wheel hard to the right, and nothing happened, the car just kinda leaned, but didn’t turn, and I end another raccoon’s life.  At this point, I’m in a bad part of town and I am not pulling over so I just drag the splash guard about five miles.  By this time its toast, and I end up spending and hour the next day in a Target parking lot with a pair of titanium scissors cutting out the splash guard so the rental company didn’t know I hit anything.  I didn’t bother turning the radio on for the rest of the trip.

So, where does this leave us?  Styling:  Ugly, Power:  Ok, Handling:  horrible, Ergonomics:  Makes God’s Creatures die, Gas Mileage:  decent.  I leave you with unrelated, but beautiful pictures of New England.